Oh, Jackal
by btamamura
Summary: A series of short stories starring everyone's favourite scalpel-wielding hakobiya, Akabane Kuroudo! Most will be funny. Rated for Ban's mouth. Updated with special birthday chapter.
1. Perfect Costume

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Get Backers, nor its characters. They are the property of Aoki Yuya and Ayamine Rando.

_These are all one-shots (except LOST and FOUND) of silly situations our fave scalpel-wielding hakobiya should've been in in the actual series, but wasn't. Enjoy!_

"So, what will your costume for the party be?" Natsumi asked of the black-clad transporter.

Akabane had a sip of his tea before answering. "I feel a cat would be a wise choice."

That comment not only earned numerous stares aimed directly at the man, but also Ban spitting out his sandwich. "What the hell?! A cat?!" Ban demanded.

Natsumi clapped her hands together. "That sounds so cute, Akabane-san!"

"But, why a cat?" Himiko asked.

Akabane smiled. "I do have my own retractable _claws_, don't I?" As if to prove his point, he summoned four scalpels from his left hand, only to retract them a second later.

The mental image of Akabane dressed in an adorable cat costume did nothing to ease Ginji's nerves.

Himiko placed a finger to her jaw thoughtfully. "You know, that actually works for you."


	2. LOST

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Get Backers, nor its characters. They are the property of Aoki Yuya and Ayamine Rando.

Ban eyed the poster Akabane was putting onto the door of the Honky Tonk and sweatdropped. "Do you really think that's necessary?"

Akabane turned to the Jagan master. "Why of course it is, Midou-kun. When something important has been lost, it's only natural for one to see if anybody else has found it."

"That applies to puppies, kittens or valuable possessions."

Akabane appeared horrified at what Ban was suggesting. "You can't mean it's not a valuable possession! It's very valuable!"

Ban sighed and scratched the back of his head. Just wait till Himiko hears about this! He read what Akabane had witten on the poster. _"Lost. If found, please return to Akabane Kuroudo, or just leave it with Paul or Natsumi of the Honky Tonk staff. A hefty reward will be offered if it is brought back in one piece. If not, I will not be held responsible for what should happen."_ Under all of that writing was a photo of a black hat.


	3. FOUND

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Get Backers, nor its characters. They are the property of Aoki Yuya and Ayamine Rando.

Ginji trembled as if he was in the snow with very little clothing on. For the seventh time that week, Akabane had stopped by the Honky Tonk, inquiring as to if someone has found his beloved hat. When told no, he would stay for half the day if he had a job, or the whole day if not. The only plus side to that was Akabane was willing to buy food and coffee for the two retrievers, if only to keep them in top form if he should suddenly get bored.

Said man was sipping from white mug full of black coffee. He'd heard from both Paul and Natsumi that nobody has found his dear hat.

Ban grudgingly sat there and smoked, not saying anything to complain about present company for two reasons: one was he didn't want to be on the receiving end of Akabane's scalpels anymore than Ginji did. The other was free food, and that was what kept his mouth shut.

A small child pointed at the poster. "Okaa-san, look! That looks like your hat!"

The woman holding the small girl's hand looked at the poster herself. "It does..."

"Are you going to give it back? You told me that keeping things that are not yours is a bad thing to do."

"I know, dear. I will give it back." It was such a shame too, she enjoyed wearing the hat. She read the poster and nodded to herself. "Come on, dear, we'll go to the Honky Tonk for lunch."

"Yay!"

It was lunchtime. Akabane was still sipping from the mug, refilled for the fifth time that day. He was fortunate caffeine didn't affect him like it affected others. He heard a grumble coming from the tiny form hiding under one of the tables and chuckled to himself. "Master, I would like two pizzas and two chicken sandwiches please. One for Ginji-kun, and one for Midou-kun."

"Okay then." Paul folded the paper, tucked it under his arm and went to the kitchen to prepare both meals.

"Th-thank you, A-Akabane-s-san," Ginji stated, still hiding under the table.

"Yeah, thanks, Jackal," Ban added.

"It is my pleasure. It wouldn't do for you to be weak from hunger when we fight each other, right?" He heard whimpering coming from Ginji and chuckled again.

"Okay, this is the place!" The woman opened the door and saw two men seated at the counter, and another hiding under a table. Her daughter ran into the shop. "Ah, please don't run inside, dear!"

The girl didn't listen and ran over to the form hiding under the table. "I found you, Onii-san! You're it!"

Ban chuckled to himself in amusement.

The woman entered much slower than her daughter did, also laughing to herself. Her child loved playing hide-and-seek, and would often confuse someone hiding for someone playing the game. She was glad the blonde came out from under the table, and agreed to play. She approached the men at the counter, the hat now in her hands. "Ano, excuse me, but may I ask which of you is Akabane Kuroudo?"

The black-clad transporter paused in sipping from his mug and turned to the woman. "I am Akabane Kuroudo. May I ask your reason for seeking me?"

"Yes. I found this hat a few days ago." She held up the hat.

Ginji paused in his game, and Ban turned to face the transporter.

Akabane smiled with sparkling eyes as he accepted his beloved hat, hearts and stars forming in the air behind him as he nuzzled his hat with his cheek. "Ah~! I missed you so much~!"

Ginji shook his head rapidly to dispel that disturbing image, and watched as Akabane graciously accepted his hat and examined it. He smiled and looked up at the woman. "Thank you very much for returning this hat to me. I would like to reward you if I may."

"Oh, you don't have to. I was just setting a good example to my daughter," she replied as she gestured to the little girl now hiding behind one of the plants.

"Okaa-san, don't tell them where I am!" she yelled as she hurried to find somewhere else to hide while Ginji's back was turned.

"I promised a reward on the poster, I would not feel right if I did not keep my word."

"It is really fine. I'm just doing the right thing," the woman replied.

"In that case, my reward for you is buying lunch for you and your daughter." He gestured to both females as he spoke.

The girl pouted. "Mou, onii-san!" She ran to hide again. "Oh. Arigatou gozaimasu." She didn't forget her manners.

That day after lunch, one very happy transporter left the Honky Tonk, black hat sitting proudly on his head.


	4. A Worthy Adversary

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Get Backers, nor its characters. They are the property of Aoki Yuya and Ayamine Rando.

_This was made for tsutsuji's birthday in 2009._

Akabane walked into the hall and saw not just Ban and Ginji, but also Paul, Shido and Emishi, all being tended to by Kazuki and Juubei. He saw Himiko practically falling out of her chair in laughter.

"Hey, you just missed a great show!" Himiko called to her colleague.

He then noticed Natsumi jumping up and down and cheering about getting the best cakes in Shinjuku for a whole month. He smiled to himself and stepped over to Lady Poison. "I assume Natsumi-chan defeated them again?"

"You assumed right. This time they have to pay for the best cakes for a month each!"

"That would mean Natsumi-chan will be treated to those cakes for five months."

Natsumi turned to the newcomer. "Oh hey, Akabane-san! Want to have a game of ping-pong?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Okay, winner is treated to the best cakes in Shinjuku for a whole month!"

"It is a deal." He sleekily stepped to the table and picked up a paddle that was still in one piece. He didn't notice Ginji was giving him sympathetic glances. "I will let you serve, Natsumi-chan."

"Okay!" She picked up a new ball and the match began once she'd hit it.

Natsumi was a very happy camper by the end of the night, she'd won six months of free cake!

Everybody else made certain to steer clear of Akabane for the rest of the night just in case anything could make him lose his calm, polite composure. They had to admit he was good though, while the others would get knocked out right away, he'd lasted at least three minutes before Natsumi delivered her best move.

In truth, Akabane was actually pleased about what had happened that night; he'd found a new, worthy opponent in battle, only this battle was different. He swore that next time he would defeat her, provided she gave him her all.

The End


	5. A Painful Loss

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Get Backers, nor its characters. They are the property of Aoki Yuya and Ayamine Rando.

"Hey, Ban-chan, isn't that...?" Ginji shakily pointed to a lone figure standing on top of the hill.

Ban had one glance and let out a _tch_. "Yeah, it's him."

Ginji noticed something else about the person. "He seems so...solemn...and he's not wearing his hat."

"You're right, Gin. But, let's just get the hell out of here before he turns around and notices us."

Of course, they had no chance. The man on top of the hill would sense them from the other side of the country, there was little doubt he'd sense them while they stood at the bottom of the hill. He turned to face them. Akabane greeted them with a slight bow, a polite gesture. "Ah, Ginji-kun, Midou-kun. How nice to see you. I am afraid I won't be able to fight either of you today."

Wait, what?! Akabane wasn't going to challenge them to a fight?! Okay, what was going on? Ginji just had to find out. He hurried up the hill.

Ban waited at the bottom of the hill, not wanting to be any closer to the transporter than Ginji normally did. But, this was a very strange situation. Still, if he wasn't about to suddenly let fly with his scalpels, he found no reason to stick by Ginji's side at the time.

Ginji noticed a small stone marker near Akabane's feet. "Did...did someone die?"

"Yes, I am afraid so. It happened this morning. I was on a job, and then..." He shrugged, but there was a hint of sorrow in his eyes.

"I'm sorry to hear that..."

"Thank you, Ginji-kun."

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

"Actually, I will be leaving now. I need to prepare for my next job. I look forward to seeing both of you again in the near future." With that, he turned and departed, his long, black coat flowing behind him.

Ban waited a little longer before joining Ginji at the top of the hill. "So, what was he doin' here?"

"He was mourning. Someone died..."

"Shit..." Of all things he expected to hear, Akabane grieving someone's loss wasn't one of them. He tucked his hands in his pockets and gazed at the stone marker resting by the patch of dirt, a sign it had recently been dug out of the ground. "Looks like he lost his pet, that hole's too small for a person."

"I never knew he had a pet."

"Neither. Maybe we should take some time to get to know him better." _Wait, what the fuck am I saying?!_

"You're right, Ban-chan." He looked at the small stone and plot. "I wonder what it was..."

"Looks like there's writing on it." He knelt down and read it. "_Here lies the hat of Akabane Kuroudo. None will ever replace it._ What the fuck?!"

Akabane returned home and cast a sad glance at the hat tree near his door. It would never be the same again without his black hat.


	6. Happy Birthday, Akabanesan!

_I do not nor ever will own Get Backers, though I do own DVDs and will soon own a bust figure of Akabane._

Ginji knocked on the door of the apartment Himiko had told him a certain transporter was staying at, a box resting on one arm, being supported by his hand.

The door opened to reveal Akabane not wearing his usual hat and coat, but still in the shirt, tie, trousers and even the gloves were still in place. "Ginji-kun, well, this is indeed a surprise. What brings you here?"

"Um, I overheard Himiko-chan and Ban-chan talking...I wasn't eavesdropping," he quickly added to make sure he hadn't done anything deemed impolite which would surely tick off the transporter standing before him, "and they mentioned that today was your birthday. You scare me, but I still wanted to do something nice, so...here, I baked you a cake." He saw Akabane had arched an eyebrow, catching Ginji's little white lie. "Okay, Natsumi-chan baked it, but I chose the type and what to put on top."

"Well, that's very thoughtful of you. Do enter, we can share the cake."

Ginji gulped at the offer, he was curious as to how the infamous Dr. Jackal lived, but what if he was being the foolish fly being led to the spider's lair like in that poem he once heard?

"It's alright, I won't bite."

_That's not what I'm afraid of..._ Ginji thought as he turned into his tare form and carefully entered the apartment. He expected to see lots of gore and maybe even goth, but...

"Akabane-san's apartment is normal?" he murmured.

"Of course it is, Ginji-kun, what were you expecting? Blood splattered on the walls and a hidden torture chamber behind the bookshelf in the living room?"

"Um...yeah, that's what I was expecting."

"Normally I would consider that to be a rude comment, but it was amusing coming from you. Now then, I'll get out a couple of plates while you set up the cake." Akabane left to do so.

Ginji, now in his normal form, happily set up the cake. Maybe if Akabane liked it enough, he might lay off trying to fight him for at least a few days. After all, the next day he had a job with Ban, and chances were Akabane would try to interfere due to his own client. He was so happy with that thought, he failed to notice Akabane didn't mention getting silverware.

The cake was dark chocolate, closest to black he could get, and was topped with white icing. Written with red icing were the words _Happy Birthday, Akabane-san_ and some scalpels were drawn on in pale blue icing. Ginji had thought that was creepy, but Natsumi insisted it would make the cake seem more personal to Akabane. Topping the cake was a single black candle.

Akabane returned with two plates and smiled as he saw the cake. "My, this cake looks wonderful, it's just to die for," he crooned as he approached the blonde.

Ginji jumped slightly, wishing Akabane hadn't used such a term as _to die for_ since, knowing him, it could be quite literal.

"Natsumi-san did a wonderful job indeed. And, Ginji-kun, it would appear you know me very well, I've always favoured dark chocolate with white icing."

"Um, glad you like it..."

"But, do tell, why is there only one candle?"

"Oh that...well, I don't know how old you are today, so normally when that's the case, one candle works."

"You don't know? All you had to do was ask, I'm not willing to tell it to everyone, but you're different, Ginji-kun." He didn't mention there were only a couple of other people who knew his age, Himiko and Ban, if only to tease the already frightened blonde. "But, because it's a secret, I'm going to have to..." He moved by the blonde's side with smooth steps and soon was close enough to whisper in his ear.

Ginji jumped as soon as he realised how close Akabane was. "Um, I really can't stay, got to prepare for my job tomorrow, you know, so I hope you enjoy the cake and I'll see you again, okay, bye!" Ginji stated quickly as he dashed out of the apartment.

Akabane stood there for a minute, a smirk on his lips. He loved to tease Ginji as much as he enjoyed stalking him and challenging him to battles. "Well, that means there is more cake for me, then. I should finish this before Midou-kun arrives." With that said, he summoned a scalpel into his gloved fist and used it to slice the cake smoothly. He moved the slice onto one of the small plates and had a small bite of it. "This is indeed a wonderful cake. I must remember to return the favour on Ginji-kun's birthday. My, what a delightful birthday this has been."


End file.
